Baby Gremlin VS Music Industry – Part I
This an opinion piece and is not intended to be legal, health, or professional advice and is for entertainment purposes only. Now with that out of the way, ready for the juicy stuff?
To Music Executives Everywhere:
Welcome To Pretty Pain Cave and the Birth of The Baby Gremlin
Dear Music Exec Fat Cats —
I am tired of you SCREWING THE WORLD. Fans, artists, labels, venues, stations, websites, stores….I HIGHLY DISLIKE YOU.
Here’s how music fans feel right now:
This could be me or any music fan right now
After the lawsuit against Jammie Thomas-Rasset and the many other music industry lawsuits that are totally frickin ridiculous – I’VE HAD ENOUGH!
Alas…I have transformed into The Baby Gremlin…
What is a Gremlin?
An English folkloric creature, commonly depicted as mischievous and mechanically oriented; inclined to damage or dismantle machinery
Why call yourself The Baby Gremlin?
I’m calling myself the The Baby Gremlin, because I only want to excite the big gremlins. Big, “well-distributed” gremlins that repeat what ‘Baby’ says can really pave the path for our common musical future. Baby cannot do this.
Like Steve Albini or KLF, I too want to say something that is dear to me, dear to my heart about the music behemoths’ current attempt at revenue recovery. At the same time, I refuse to ignore all parts in the system. Everyone is in trouble. I’m not going to point any fingers, but I can sure do a hell of a lot with a thumb.
“Does not the pebble set off ripples that reach to the farthest part of the pond?”
Quote from Kung Fu (TV Series)
Prelude To Pretty Pain Cave
Look, I love music. I love everything about it. I believe that there is a land where fans, artists, distributors, retailers, marketers, promoters, and venues can all get along. I believe in my heart of hearts that we’re due for a musical Renaissance. I give praise to artists like Prince, Trent Reznor, Perry Farrell and Moby who aren’t afraid to stand alone and who aren’t afraid to say, “let’s embrace this wonderful change that is happening”. It’s kind of funny though because I’ve been classically conditioned through the media to think they are a bunch of whiners, but they’re not. They’re the people that care about music more than the money, more than the fame. They’re in it for the experience. And amazingly so, when your fans know that, they respect you and buy your stuff. Wow, treat fans with respect, they treat you in kind.
Your grandmother would sit you down with some butterscotch candy and tell you about the Golden Rule:
The Golden Rule is an ethical code that states one has a right to just treatment, and a responsibility to ensure justice for others
Sounds an awful lot like the respectable characters I mentioned earlier doesn’t it. Moby cares that you’re getting screwed. These guys risk their entire career on a single statement…to stick up for you, the music fan.
My closest friends have recently been asking me, “of all people, why have you fallen out of love with music and with your favorite artists?”. To be honest, music has been such a part of my life, that I didn’t really realize how depressed I had become over this situation. Probably because in my heart, I also heed the Golden Rule and understand that I have a responsibility to ensure justice for others.
What was the source of my distaste for music? Read on for a trillion reasons…
Yesterday, I got on a bit of a tirade for a reason discussed later in this article (see Mr. X). In my fit of frustration, I realized my main distaste comes from my experience in working with the industry itself. My issue with music, and I’m more frustrated than mad, comes from my desire as a fan for better music discovery. In essence, I want more, new, fresh, inspiring music from any corner of the world. I need. I want. I’m not getting it. No one is getting it. At the same time, most of the music audience doesn’t know what they’re missing. The big labels have the market cornered so well. The radio, TV, and major media is in full persuasion of the labels. In fact, the parent companies of the labels are media companies. In essence, the public is only exposed to “certain” music which makes popular music seem more like a “state run” television station. So basically, unless I want to jump 1,000 feet high and dig way down low, I’ll never find music that isn’t mainstream, target market focused music product. Basically, I’m miffed because I know how the inside of the business works which makes me super-pissed as a fan. By just being a music fan, I feel over-exploited.
On a brighter note, I am getting formulaic music shoved down my throat repeatedly everwhere I go. Seventy percent of radio stations are complete crap. I swear that local radio stations have dwindled down to a one hour long, repeating playlist. Sweet. In the world of statistics, there are low estimates that say 25 million songs are available to the public. How can a radio station play only ten songs – all day long for weeks? Hmmm…let’s ponder this for a bit. What’s that payola word… Uh, what is payola? Oh that’s old news? Where have I been? Oh, it’s not direct payments anymore now so we’re good. Just let it be? Ok, whatever. Innocent until proven guilty remember? I have no proof. Oh, my daughter just won a scholarship to college? Guess I’ll have to buy her the sports car now myself…
With technology the way it is, the sky is the limit and I still have trouble tracking down exciting new music. It can’t be this hard! People are creating music everywhere, everyday. Do you have any idea how many new releases come out each week? Thousands. Yep. Thousands of new releases. Typically the media covers about 20 of those.
This creative restriction between fans and artists is festering in the industry like a cancer. These labels carry all the weight. How can something that is supposed to be an artful, joyous pursuit be consolidated and force fed to the masses any longer? Keep trying to restrict us from having it our way. I’m tired of it.
All of these issues are rooted in trust.
Labels don’t trust fans
Fans don’t trust labels
Artists don’t trust labels
BUT GUESS WHAT?!?
Fans trust artists
AND THAT AIN’T EVER GONNA CHANGE
It’s only natural that the middle man goes away right? Well wait just a second. Who is the middle man? Not the labels. Nope, we need them. Wait…do we really need the labels?
Why is the label getting between the artist and the fan? If Twitter is replacing PR firms because of a leap in the evolution in technology, then why can’t some other technology replace the role of the middle man?
THE UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE REMEMBER?
There’s a reason why I’ve been gravitating to international music, it’s because I don’t know all the dirty industry secrets eating away at people in France or India. I don’t understand the lyrics in Russia or Japan. I don’t have any connection to the negative vibes in those places and therefore listening to music with no negative connections makes me feel like soaring. Free again from negative energy, plastic faces, contrived lyrics, formulaic rhythms, rapper vendettas.
Alas, I am able to enjoy the music. Thank you world. You never fail me.
My involvement in music has been an abusive addiction.
The strange duality of feelings for the last five years has come out of balance. The music has made me like a dog in that experiment of learned helplessness.
Important Pioneers Being Trampled
Listen, maybe the labels will offer exactly what the customers want. But my experience has been…
- Allow Baby to get great tasting music
- Allow Baby to be very happy with great selections and preference control
- But then, labels take all the candy away from Baby (multiple times)
- Baby no longer has Napster, Audio Galaxy, Limewire, Kazaa, Imeem, Deezer, Live365, Mercora, Last.fm, or any others remaining in their original form that Baby fell in love with. I just want music! But it’s too hard!
- All fall to the whims and wills of some old joke in a suit who probably doesn’t even have a computer (ok EBJ, Jimmy, you guys are typically at the front of the pack). Not being knowledgeable about technology is not that big of a deal…if you let some of your whiz-kids tell you what’s up. When does that happen in Hollywood? When’s the last time some whiz-kid revolutionized the music industry with an idea? Hmmm…ponder that one.
The industry continues to let pioneers forge new music markets before forcibly gnawing at their profits with the pervasion of lobbyists and lawsuits against fans, it’s a wonder that the fans would ever trust labels again – the jig is up.
Who Cares To Listen To You, Baby Gremlin?
Good question. Let me say this first.
Piracy is illegal. Okay, I admit that. I’m not one of those “music should be free” nutjobs or one of finders-keepers type of people. Piracy is wrong and cancerous to the existing business models. Notice I said the word “existing”. But, filesharing technology is alive with cutting-edge innovation and harbors an environment for the free exhange of ideas (and intangible, freely duplicable, digital assets). In those respects, it has an unexpected gift-bearing potential like NASA projects. Listen, piracy is bad. Filesharing and internet technologies are great.
Seriously, why listen to me? Well, if you’re still reading this far, it’s just going to get better. I’ve designed, managed, marketed, produced, negotiated, performed AND I’ve sworn more than once that I wouldn’t return to the music business… Somehow I’ve always been coaxed back in with glamor and bling. I’m guessing that the buck will stop here. You don’t think I know what I’m talking about? Try me.
The Music Industry Is Like An Abusive Spouse
Why? You just have to deal with the bullsh*t or leave altogether. For most people, life without their spouse (music) is unthinkable. The labels know that our connection to our spouse is this primal, pre-programmed, natural instinct. They know it’s just like any addictive or faithful passion where loyalists with open their wallets regardless of the situation (see gambling, alcoholism, sports, religion, movies). People sacrifice everything they have for a drug, a spouse, a celebrity. Music is so engrained in our psychology. We feel it in the womb. We hear the song of voice in our daily lives and in fact, just reading back to good Ole England and the first luxury people paid for was getting an in-house musician. They would hire a musician over getting fine apparel, jewelery, or even quality food…
I tried to run away from music once. Alas, it tracked me to a cold and distant corner.
I participated in a science experiment where I couldn’t listen to music for a long period of time. I wasn’t allowed to play music, compose music, hum, hear a jingle on TV…no music at all. I ended up being in the fetal-position, curled-up and feeling alone. The withdrawals were analogous to drug withdrawals and it proved that I’m going to have to find some copacetic relationship with my “dealer” or “abusive spouse”, the music industry.
So right here, right now, with hate (and a sprinkle of love), I present…
The First Shot Across the Bow of the “Big Four” Labels’ Spanish Armada
The purpose of this site:
1. Shed light on the music industry’s dirty dealings
2. Help the music executives get their heads out of their F*CKING EXPLETIVE
3. Help fans and musicians deal with the fact that music executives have their heads so far up their SUPER F*CKING EXPLETIVE. If you’re a fan, expect to feel beaten down by the industry at some point in 2009. Whether it’s the ticket price, a court date, or the fact that you need iTunes to put music on your device. As a fan, you get a pretty raw deal – everyone wants to exploit you. As an artist, well it’s not much better. You’re last in line to get the money you earned. Just want to work in the business? Mr. X will hire you as an intern if you’ll sleep with him. The great part is, the whole staff is interns! BTW, this just happened to a 20 year old friend of mine who interviewed to work with Mr. X. I sooooo want to say his name right now… If chicks will actually sleep with slime balls for an unpaid internship, that just goes to show you how much people will sacrifice to be connected to the industry even for a piss job. I’ve seen rock stars assault people and then play their star card like a trump card. I’ve seen them piss and hit fans. Some pack a very good punch. There’s a lot of toolbags in the industry and there’s no shortage of nutjobs in the fan section either.
Quick example:
I met Barry Fey several years ago. He told me things that kept me out of music promotion. He was a talking journal of the industry’s ups and downs, hurdles and brick walls. Hardcore experience, battle-scarred, and absolutely one of the best promoters to walk the earth, he sat there in a daze recollecting some of the more trying memories (there was an endless supply). Thanks to him for giving honest advice or I might have slit my wrists somewhere down the line after making some big mistakes with my life.
MusicGremlins.com Ethical Rule #1
We will do our best to keep things professional, but you know what, some people need a little attention so they don’t ruin one of our most sacred, natural, taken-for-granted passions.
Okay, now the meat.
How To Fail As a Music Industry 101
Step One: Punish Your Biggest Fans
Back to the saga of Jammie Thomas-Rasset…
If you missed her story, let me offer a quick opinion of it. Of course, I could be 100% wrong… If I am, please call me out and I will correct myself publicly.
Jammie’s computer had filesharing software running on it (Kazaa). Jammie or someone else in the household had songs in the shared media folder. If Jammie downloaded the songs illegally (which is not relevant to the lawsuit), is it possible that she downloaded them from someone who didn’t realize they were sharing the files in their media folder? Where do you draw the line on negligence in that case?
A different way to look at it…If Person X downloaded songs from Person Y and didn’t think it was illegal to download Person Y’s files, should Person X be expected to think that the files are illegal to share in return? Should Person X be required to know every facet about software features and usage? Does this apply to Microsoft Office? Because I know that Office does all kinds of things that I don’t understand! In fact, Windows, installs software and restarts my computer all the time on its own. Am I at fault if Microsoft software changes overnight and begins sharing my files on my behalf? Ok, that may only be mildly relevant to the case, but it least it sheds a little light on why all these lawsuits suck to begin with and why listening to music online with software can be tricky. Let’s not forget that many legal music retailers have installable software that is very similar to Kazaa and also promises FREE music with sign-up. So it seems to me, that many people could be naturally confused with the difference between something like Kazaa and Rhapsody – especially if the kids installed it. In which case, now who is liable? Kids aren’t adults so they can’t enter a binding contract when they install the software. Once again, it has to be the parents fault – even if your child is 17 years old on your computer. You think a college freshman will listen to their parents about how to use a computer? There goes Kazaa and Limewire. Makes sense to Mom, doesn’t cost any money to entertain her child and it looks legit enough that it can’t possibly be causing 1.92 million in damages can it?
So what did Jammie do? She might have left the settings of the filesharing software on the default settings, which typically makes your music automatically discoverable by others using filesharing software. In all of the options and preferences, she could have easily missed a single checkbox saying “share music folder”. I guess that means she willfully or purposefully pirated since she missed one out of eight trillion software options. Pretty easy to miss considering that the program starts up easily, works perfectly, downloads files quickly, plays them back quickly, and plays them lightly (meaning the software is built for high performance). Can someone say the same about the “legal” music software like iTunes or Rhapsody? How about Yahoo Music or Virgin Digital? Where did they go? Cdigix? Ruckus? All out of business (OOB) now. There were many companies ready to make the jump, take the plunge. Some even had good business plans and good management teams. OOB bud. Bearshare? Limewire? Heh. Last breaths…gasping… The labels and artists win! Yay!
Alas, Baby G sees something on the horizon.
Is it a net? Kind of.
Is it dark? Kind of.
Darknets
In fact it’s difficult to read what the “darknet” future looks like. Couple that with torrent technology and now you have a fully scalable, always on, always private, always available, transfer system. It’s p2p on a dose of the invisibility potion.
Label A: Rats, we just kicked the crap out of p2p and now this black-ops peer-to-peer crap. This piracy just won’t stop. These lemmings refuse to pay us anymore!
Label B: Don’t worry, we’ve got our best guys already stopping the main darknet from happening before it happens. The labels and artists win! Yay! Wait, oh. The darknet is also invite only? Get our lawyers and find out how we can sneak into the darknet without breaking the law ourselves?
Label A: Maybe we should just figure out how to embrace it. These trusted groups of friends will form friend networks and trade encrypted files through the darknet.
Darknets you say? Sounds more like a social network. Yep. Get used to it – private social network websites with p2p technology. On top of that, no behemoth media company in control to dictate what the site is going to do.
Was Jammie in a darknet? No. Jammie was using standard software that’s been downloaded millions of times and is used to search, download and play software from other users on the internet. The tough part for Jammie and other users is that the music industry has been unable to provide piracy protection or digital rights management (DRM) on their products that would act as theft deterrent or prevention. The technology isn’t there, but most important the customer doesn’t want restrictions anymore.
Jammie vs the RIAA? Ha. They’ll teach her.
This means that if you use common/popular filesharing software to download music, you might be breaking the law. If you leave the settings of the software as default, then you too could be sharing songs online even if you bought the songs and stored them in the Kazaa folder. Let’s not forget that you may have put those songs in that folder so you could play them back while you use the software. No, you wouldn’t want to listen to your files in a piece of software that can play them back would you? You mean Kazaa also plays music files? What?!
How in the heck would you ever know if you have permission to share or download anything from anywhere then? There are websites with downloads available all over the web. I guess to make sure I don’t get sued for 1.92 million, maybe I should stop downloading and sharing any files at any time. Okay, but once again, we’re not trying to prove that you stole them Jammie. Just that you enabled others to steal them.
Basically, if you download music and don’t know what the f*ck you are doing…you could land yourself a massive fine or jail time. On top of that, if anyone in your house, clicks a link for something online like “share stuff with people” and downloads some filesharing software and then (oh my god) actually uses it to find, download, play, or share entertainment media, expect troublesome possibilities. In fact, just start living in fear of losing everything (see next section).
Step Two: Try and View Your Customer’s Situation As Your Own
An industry executive might be puzzled to find out what their most savvy and loyal fans experience. Mr. Executive, please take a moment to put yourself in the shoes of your last remaining music fan’s life.
As a music fan, here’s what you can expect if you use the internet like the other 100 million social file sharers in the world. You could:
1. Be threatened with a lawsuit
2. Be hit with a lawsuit
3. Be threatened with internet service suspension
4. Be hit with a an internet service suspension
5. Get your house raided and get thrown in jail
6. Never get contacted
Then your possible paths are basically to:
1. Settle (for a “small fee”, usually less than $20,000)
2. Wait (for your internet to get turned back on OR to get sued)
3. Lose (because you can’t defeat an army of lawyers OR can’t get through the gatekeeper to turn your service back on)
4. Lose and appeal (you’ll most likely lose any lawsuit against the labels, they have lawyers on staff and lobbyists penetrating all branches of governments around the world)
5. Lose appeal (if you get an appeal and win, you’ll probably be a million-dollar author and have a few seconds of fame)
6. Or, if you’re in the majority, you’ll continue living like nothing is wrong
Well, we’re also forgetting a really interesting fact. Many sites who promote piracy fake their IP address. In fact, they actually throw random, real IP addresses into their filesharer lists to thwart law enforcement. This means that you may eventually get a lawsuit or suspension of service due to wrongful accusation. Try fighting your internet service provider when you get suspended. Good luck with that. You gave them the power to shut you off anytime when you signed up on that exciting “I’m getting 4x faster broadband” day.
Based on this information, let’s take a little tangent for all the newcomers to the file sharing world.
How To Be a Law Abiding Music Fan
Truly an UNBELIEVABLE MIND F**K
This is by no means a legal guide, although there are many important facts within the dialogue below albeit stated in a slightly sarcastic tone.
The first thing is, don’t ever do anything you would want to do with music. Don’t “download” or stream music online. By doing so, you’ll open yourself up to the possibility that you are consuming stolen content or somehow getting it into your possession. Even your internet browser cache could become a shared folder amongst those in your household. Imagine the horror of your housemate when they discover how your playback of that song online and their discovery of it being stored in your internet cache contributed to your entire family downfall. If you have more than one computer sharing an internet connection or network, turn yourself in now (just kidding).
Don’t ever back up your own CDs and vinyl digitally. It is legal to make backups for archiving purposes yourself, but if anyone plays or downloads it, you’ll be “above the law” or is it “below the law”?
Don’t ever share your computer (not with your kids, your friends, your spouse). Why? See the reasons above. If you ever put your music somewhere in a shared location, expect someone to take you up on that kind offer of sharing. That generous offer you extended now warrants a kind kiss from the knuckles of Chuck Lawmaster.
Don’t trade music with friends. If they borrow your music, you may already be in trouble. You have to give up your ownership, there is no loaning. Don’t trade music with friends if you kept a backup copy. If you trade them, they have to take on full ownership of it, in which case you’ll have to destroy all of your “backup” copies. If your friend returns the music, they are in your ownership again and you can create backup copies. Oh wait…when you loaned your friend that CD, did you remember to destroy all the compilation CDs that you already burnt? Those compilations are illegal to create in the first place and you definitely can’t give one to somebody…well you can if you destroy the originals when you give the compilation to them. Of course, you could make a little mini compliation that just gives them tastes of the music legally, but you cannot mix them together or overlap them. In fact, it’s also illegal to shorten the length of them in any way…so… Also, the law doesn’t state exactly how much is just a taste (or fair use), so you’ll have to battle that one out in the courts too…oh how I loathe it. Hey Mr. ‘Yes We Can’, we need copyright and patent reform.
FREE BONUS : TAX FOR STUPID PEOPLE
Nope not the lottery…
Did you know that people pay a music industry subsidy for every blank CD that they buy in a whole variety of countries already?
How did they justify this? I don’t want to get into this one. If anyone has a good link explaining this, send it my way and I’ll post it. Basically, the industry has the feds tack on a little something, you know, for the effort.
Guess what else is coming? Tax on your internet service from your buddies in the music industry. Some pirates are ruining it for the rest of us. I guess some countries are cool with socializing music with every internet service. Pay a mandatory fee because you get some form of music subscription automatically. It’s like forcing you to buy windshield sunglasses from all gas stations in town because you want to buy gas – no negotiation! Or a different opinion is that it’s like getting a blacklight with your electricity service. Wait that sounds cool..which is what some people are going to think…until the rates go higher and higher. How long before your mobile phone’s internet service ALSO follows up and needs the subsidy? Even if you choose to get your music from Best Buy and back it up on a CD-R, you’ll still get screwed by your ISP and double-dipped on your CD-R. Hell, maybe you’ll get a lawsuit out of it too. And then you could get your internet service shut off while you’ll still be forced to pay under contract (with the subsidy included). Hollywood is notorious for their ingenious double-dip/triple-dip revenue strategies (more on that later). Just think about an Usher ringtone, ringback, single CD, single mp3/aac, download music video, PPV music video, ad supported streaming video, etc for just one song. Starting to feel like you’re being exploited? Well, go back stage and chill with the stars when they’re not in the lights – they feel even more exploited and beaten down too. Not to mention that they often fund their own tours with an advance from the label that they’ll have to repay if they don’t make enough to cover it. Ummm, a little pressure? Remember me saying that 6% of the releases make all the money? How well are 94% of the artists being treated?
You’re not tired yet are you? My mad rant is only about half way finished…
